We are home again. Emma was having a rough time this morning, but after coughing some stuff up on her own she did fine the rest of the day. They said her lungs were sounding clear and she had some very active playful times. We will keep her on an increased schedule of breathing treatments for awhile and she will also continue on antibiotics for a week. The doctors say that this sickness may not have been the same pneumonia she had last week, but that she could have easily caught another bug.
I talked with him about how to keep her well and he said it was pretty much the same as what we have been doing. He said we need to keep her as well as possible, not only because it is hard on her to be sick, but also becuase as she gets new lung tissue we want it to remain healthy. This will help prevent permanent lung damage. He was encouraging though as far as if we can make it through the winter she will probably not get sick near as much during the spring and summer. He did warn me that she will most likely have a hard time again next winter as well, though hopefully she will be a lot stronger by then.
On a postitive note, she is still gaining weight really well despite the fact that we dropped her 4:00 am feeding. This gives us all a lot more sleep and I think it is helping her not throw up as much too.
I did have one really bad night this stay in the hospital. I was feeling very alone and very scared. I realized then that I had been feeling so in control of Emma’s situation that I had been trying to take her out of the Lord’s hands. When I thought about how amazing it was that God fills Emma with breath each day, I knew that I needed to put her back. As I cradled her head in my hand I wondered what it felt like to God to hold such a small, yet amazing little bundle. I thought of how He must feel so much joy in His handiwork and yet so much pain when she struggles. I thought of the huge smile that must break out on His face as He sees her little smile. Thank you all for your prayers. Continue to pray that I can leave Emma in God’s hands every day, that I will be able to trust that He is the One who will continue to protect and heal her.