I wanted to post today to let you know how I am feeling and becuase I know that this helps me to process things. Since the memorial services the days have been harder for me. Well, actually it is the nights. Most of the day I am fine, though sad. Once the sun goes down and I began to contemplate more I began to cry. Part of it is because the evening was the time that John and I spent alone with Emma while we watched TV shows. If you think of me during this time, pray for me. Not that I won’t cry, but that I will be comforted. Crying is actually quite a release of emotions and I often feel better for it. I just started a new book Holding on to Hope by Nancy Guthrie. I have only read 2 chapters and I already feel very touched by it. Here is something that I thought people may appreciate hearing as it may help you to be more comfortable when you come into contact with me.
“So many people are afraid to bring up my loss. They don’t want to upset me. But my tears are the only way I have to release the deep sorrow I feel. I tell people, ‘Don’t worry about crying in front of me, and don’t be afraid that you will make me cry! Your tears tell me you care, and my tears tell you that you’ve touched me in a place that is meaningful to me–and I will never forget your willingness to share my grief.'”
I can relate to this. If you feel like crying in front of me, it gives me permission to cry as well. And don’t feel like you have to cry either. There are many times that I don’t cry either, even when talking of Emma. And don’t feel uncomfortable when I cry in front of you. As Nancy says it is a good release of emotions for me. Just becuase I am crying is not means for concern.
Thank you everyone again for all you have done for me and my family through this. As always the best way you can help us is to pray. I also love to read emails and may even respond to them if I feel up to it. That is a low pressure way for me to converse with you all.