We had a very good relaxing weekend. I actually didn’t even cry that much. But Sunday for some reason was hard for me and today is also a little bit hard. Mostly I am just feeling tired and a little irritable. I am going to try to take a nap today and I have lots of things to keep me busy this week. I am taking care of some phone calls related to Emma this week (medical bills, etc.) so keep me in prayer for that as it is not real easy calling and having to tell people she passed away. I am also planning on going to a M.E.N.D. meeting (mothers enduring neonatal death) tomorrow. I am partly looking forward to that and partly dreading it, so pray for that as well, that it will be a healing time. Sherry Norwood is taking me and it is also her first time to go, so pray for us both.
As for what I am learning in the book I am reading: I read the chapter on gratitude last night. You know from my posts that I don’t really struggle in that when it comes to Emma, but she had some convicting stuff in there about other children, husbands, money, etc. She shared how they felt that they had a deal with God, that they could give up their daughter, Hope, but that meant nothing else bad could happen to them. I realized that I feel that way about Elise. It is easy for me to fool myself into thinking that I am not worried about her much (except for the few more than normal times I’ve been checking her at night) because I have learned to keep her in God’s hands. But then I realized that it also is because I feel that God wouldn’t “dare” to take her from me as well. I think from the moment Emma was born (at least from the moment we found her health issues) I considered her God’s baby. I say that about Elise too, but I really think of her as our daughter. I need to work on that a bit.