I just had to get on and write today as something wonderful happened. I came home this afternoon from a long day of testing homeschoolers with my Mom and saw a small package in my mailbox. Instantly I thought of my greatly anticipated bracelet. I waited to open the package until the other mail was opened and sorted only to discover that it wasn’t the bracelet after all. But as a beautiful silver necklace bearing both Emma’s and Elise’s names fell into my hand and I read the words written on the card I felt that perhaps this was what God gave me instead for Easter. The gift was anonymous and the words just said that someone had felt strongly to make this for me. I know it is likely that whoever gave me this gift will also read these words so I want to say thank you. I cried when I read the note, as it seemed to say that it was God working in others’ hearts to give me just a little of the desires in mine. Thank you so much! I will wear it Easter Sunday. In fact I am wearing it now and don’t know if I will take it off before then. 🙂
Last night I had decided what my next topic to write about on here would be–selfishness. I read in one of my grief books how grief is selfish. And my initial reaction was, I wouldn’t classify it as that. But you know, it is. We grieve because we miss our loved ones, not because we are sad for them. I don’t think that is necessarily wrong, but I realized last night that I am selfish in another way. I am so engrossed in my own story that I have a hard time sympathizing with others. Don’t worry, I know many of you are thinking that I am giving myself too hard of a time and I am not. I realize that this is probably a normal stage of greif, but being aware of it is good, because I definitely don’t want to stay here. I want to really be able to be involved in other’s grief. To really feel their pain in the core of my being. You may wonder why I would want that, and I think it is because I have seen how others have really shared my pain–some of you who share it because you have suffered the loss of a child, others who share it just because you are close enough to us to hurt for us. I appreciate that. I want to be that person for someone else too. I want to live life to the fullest and I think that means sharing pain as well as sharing joy.
Enjoy a couple pictures of Elise, my “skinny minnie.”