April 25, 2006.

I realized tonight that the last time I posted was fairly depressing, so I just wanted to let everyone know that we are doing much better.  The waves of sadness hit hard when they do hit, but don’t last long.  It seems like the sadness, when it is there, is much deeper than it was before.

John and I enjoyed a weekend away in Tulsa.  We spent most of our time, relaxing and shopping.  On the 22nd, which marked 2 months since Emma’s death, I was hit with another wave of sadness.  Oddly  though, I did not even think of the significance of the day at the time.  John and I were sitting outside at a resteraunt, enjoying good food and beautiful weather, when I suddenly felt very sad.  If I hadn’t been in a public place I think I would have bawled.  We walked along the river afterwards and I was able to share how I felt with John, who  could also share that it happens in waves like that for him as well.  We didn’t last long on the subject, instead talked about Elise, our plans, and other misc. stuff.  It was a very good time for us.

Last night I had some anxiety that I dealt with that kept me up into the night.  I hope this will not be a reoccuring thing, so pray that it won’t.  It was one of those times when I felt that there may be evil in my house.  The Lord brought me the much needed peace to sleep, and I felt better.  I just don’t feel that I am strong enough right now to fight a spiritual battle, but I guess I shouldn’t be surprised if the Evil One is lying in wait for me.  All I can do is rely on God’s strength as I have none of my own.

Elise’s scar is healing nicely.  She got her stitches out on Friday.  She has been having some trouble with overall irritability.  I am not sure if there is an underlying cause to this or if she is just dealing with normal 3 year old stuff.  Pray for patience and wisdom for John and I as it would be much easier to just let her go her own way right now and I know that isn’t right.

Thanks, as always, for your prayers.

2 thoughts on “April 25, 2006.

  1. I will be praying for you. And when I feel the Evil One near, I always site the verse, “For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.”–Matt. 18:20 NIV Landon has a tape with the verse in song…I like to sing it. It always seems to help. I started that when Landon was just a baby and often times Josh was gone. Maybe even when I was pregnant with him, I don’t remember. I figure no matter how small, our children are the Lord’s, so they count! Love you guys.


  2. Hi Miriam, For months now I have been reading your entries. I just want you to know that I pray for you and John and Elise. My heart crys out when I read of your struggles. What a gift it is the you can express your feelings in words. I can only relate in remote ways, but I know what it feels like to walk through life, seemingly ok on the outside,with the world rushing by as usual, and yet on the inside screaming “stop! stop what your doing, can’t you see everything is not ok!” And in these times, times when I have felt isolated in this world, these are the times the Heavenly Father embraced me and loved me when no one else knew how. You are in my prayers, Angie


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