Emma is coming to mind a lot more these days. Where as before I could go on for several days without really thinking of her, now any little thing is enough to bring her to mind. I enjoy this reflection in a way, but it also means more tears, and sometimes a little bit of depression in the evenings.
I have found a new realization of the compassion of God. It was not until recently that I saw how blind I was in this area. I know it sounds silly, but when I read or heard what was supposed to comfort me, that God knows my pain because He too lost a child, I would react with disagreement. “But God,” I would say, “Your son was with you just a little bit later. I am totally seperated from Emma. I can not see her, I can not feel her. You can see your son every day.” I read a poem online that I unfortunately can not find now. It was a reminder to me that Emma lives on just like Jesus. And as I was thinking later that evening, Jesus does truly know sorrow. For you see, the more you love someone, the deeper the pain you can have for them. And no one can love like Jesus. I think Jesus has sorrow every day for so many different people. And God truly knew sorrow when his son died because what often produces sorrow is separation. And the separation that God must have experienced was in a way greater than the separation we experience with death. Separation is not only related to time, because I belive God is outside of time. Separation can go much deeper than that, as when God allowed his son to descend into hell. That separation I have not experienced. I don’t know if any of this makes much sense as you read it. Sometimes it is hard to put thoughts into words.