I hope everyone is keeping cool. Man, is it hot! Elise and I took a quick trip this afternoon to just a couple stores. I don’t know if it was worth it. The car was really hot and never had time to get cool throughout the drive. The steering wheel was so hot I could hardly touch it. I think I will only go out in the morning from now on.
Anyway, here is what I really wanted to post:
God has filled our lives with blessings and he helped me walk this path with his gift of complete grace. He gave me the gift of Emma, and the gift of being able to hold her. During my labor with Emma, when I felt that I couldn’t go much longer, I felt that the Lord asked me if I wanted this baby. I said yes. He asked me if I wanted to hold this baby, and I said yes. When he asked me how long I was willing to wait for that to happen, I didn’t know. But what I did realize was that I could trust him to not take me farther than I was able to go. And he didn’t, not then and not now. He never asked me how long I wanted to hold her, just if I did. And though I would have never chosen such a short time, I realized what a gift it was once I joined the rank of mothers who had lost a child or more than one child. As I heard stories of miscarriage, stillbirth, and babies that only lived on life support, stories from mothers who had never held their child while that child lived, I realize that I am blessed to have held Emma more times than I can count, even though it was fewer than most mothers. And as I heard stories of mothers that had to make life and death decisions for their children, I realized that I am blessed that my choices were always so clear. And as I heard stories of children who never came home from the hospital, I realized I am blessed that Emma was home so much of her life, and even had the comfort and peace of passing from this life in our home, just feet away from where she was born into it. And lastly, as I hear stories of mothers who go through all this without the gift of grace, I know that I am blessed to know a living God who walks through this so close to me that I hardly felt the difficulty of it.