Pain and moving on.

I have been feeling rather down lately. Nothing major, just an overall sense of loss. Some of my memories of Emma are so clear lately, especially when we pulled up some short movie clips of her the other day and I saw her smile again in motion. I also feel that the ways for me to talk about her or do things in relation to her are getting fewer. I’m really excited about the year ahead–preschool with Elise, working at JBU, and Mothering Matters starting up again. But even that adds a bit to my sadness as it feels that I am moving ahead with life and Emma is somehow getting left behind. I need to find a way to process these new feelings, to be able to move ahead, and yet not move away. But now as I feel this heaviness, an actual physical feeling inside, I just want to cry. Please pray through this transition time for us, and also if you happen to come by please ask to see the movies of Emma as I would love to show them to you. I had actually forgotten I had any of her and especially if you never actually met her it gives you just a bit of a picture of what she was like.

Advertisements