November 8, 2006.

I’m sorry I haven’t posted recently. I’ve thought about it, and then it just doesn’t happen. You know what happened this day a year ago? I took Emma to the ER for the very first time. It was a long and overwhelming day. You can look back at the post from that day if you want, but as I read it I thought that it didn’t touch many of my memories of that day at all. What I remember is taking Emma to the clinic and waiting to see the doctor all the while worryingly watching Emma as she struggled to breathe. Unfortunately I had got to the clinic before Dr. Youmans had made it there. So I ended up heading back out and to the ER when I felt Emma’s color was getting bad. Of course the nurses and doctors in ER panicked, they had never seen one of her spells before, and I admit they were pretty scary to watch. Anyway, there were a lot of emotions that went through me that day including fear. Though I don’t remember ever having an overwhelming fear of losing her, it was more just the unknown. And of course frustration at not being able to do anything for her. Emma I know was scared. The only time in her life that I remember seeing fear in her eyes was during episodes. Even when nurses came at her with needles she tended to show frustration before fear. I’ve seen her try to kick a nurse away that was trying to poke her. 🙂

I don’t think this was a bad day. In fact, as I was coming back from support group yesterday, I started talking to myself, as I often do on the drive back home. Usually it is about Emma, and as I thought through my words, I can’t say that I view any day that I had with Emma as bad. Sure I can think of ways I would rather spend the day, but only if Emma was able to spend it that way too. If she was struggling, I gladly would struggle with her. I’m so glad I had the opportunity to spend so many days with her, both easy ones and hard ones.

Because it has taken me so long to post I do have some things to mention from a few days back. Halloween. Halloween last year I was in Little Rock awaiting Emma to come out of surgery. She was getting her G-tube placed. The days surrounding that time (and directly after receiving the overwhelming news of brain damage and possible genetic abnormalities) there were many people that came to spend their day with Emma and me. Thank you Gail, Laura, Mom, Dad, Delia, Bekah, Judy, and Becky. You responded to my call for support so quickly and willingly. Thank you Gail for just spending girl time with me. Thank you Bekah for buying Emma a mobile, she loved it! Thank you Judy and Laura for sitting through the surgery with me and John. Thank you Delia for washing my clothes even though you had to tramp all over the whole hospital just to get soap. 🙂 Thank you Becky for so gracefully responding to the news that you would have to spend the night in the waiting room rather than in the room with me. Thanks for letting me “escape” from the hospital for awhile and do something as ordinary as watching a movie. Thank you Mom and Dad for bringing Elise for a vist. And thank you Elise for filling my heart with joy as I enjoyed a day with you at the zoo. Thank you John for rushing to Little Rock in resonse to a teary request from me with little explanation. And while I’m on the topic of thank-you’s, do you remember Laura when I showed up at your door one day in November and dumped Elise on your doorstep while I hurried off to the ER? Thank you for being the kind of friend that I knew I could do that to. Thank you all, everyone who has touched our lives deeply in connection with Emma. I could never possible mention you all.

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2 thoughts on “November 8, 2006.

  1. It was good to read another post from you. I remember how much fun Isabella had playing with Elise that day a year ago in November.:) I remember praying for you and being thankful that I was able to help. I always felt so helpless during Emma’s trails. I wanted to be able to help in so many ways. It’s good to know that as little as it seemed at the time, it was a big help to you and Emma. I also remember how after my visit to Litle Rock, Emma started to teach me as I struggled to accept my own pregnancy. I will be forever grateful for having known Emma and will forever remember her everytime I love Lilli. Emma and your love for her, truly taught me how to love my own child. Emma will always be connected to Lilli. Thank you.
    God Bless
    Laura M.

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