New babies and Emma.

Yesterday Elise and I had a conversation about Emma, something we haven’t done in a long time. I wonder if the thoughts of the new baby and my pregnancy remind her of things more often now. If that is so, it is a nice side effect, since I would never have her forget her sister in heaven. Our conversation began as she looked through one of my maternity “mazagines” (as Elise calls them). She pointed out all the women with “fat tummies,” which made me realize that I perhaps need to teach her a more polite term for this phenomenon associated with pregnancy. Then she surprised me by asking if Emma grew up. “In heaven?” I asked. “No,” she answered, “Did Emma grow up?” “Well,” I said, “no, Emma did not grow up here. But I think that she did grow up in heaven.” Then I reminded her of how we talked about how people go to heaven at different ages. “But Mom,” she said. “I don’t like it that she can’t come back.” Lately Elise has not been comforted by the reminders that we will go to see Emma someday, as she is realizing that means you die and that then you can’t come back either. She is enjoying her life here, which is quite normal. I hope that I have the words to help her see how we can enjoy life here and also look forward to heaven, but to be completely honest, my attitude has not been right on this until I experienced the anticipation of seeing my daughter again. Perhaps this is something I can not impart to her, but that she will have to learn for herself. Our conversation then turned to the color of eyes and hair, and what she thought the baby would look like. She stated, as she often does, that she thinks the baby in my tummy is a boy. Whenever I ask her why, her answer is quite simple: “Emma was a girl. I don’t have a brother.” I teased her that you can have two girls in a row, because both she and Emma were girls, but she will not be persuaded. I can see through her simple comments the slight bit of wondering she has, the question she left unasked: “Will this baby grow up?” I have great peace recently that God is in charge and I’m not at all worried, knowing whatever happens we will be blessed. I am realizing that that peace has to include Elise too, I know that he holds her in his hand and will protect her from hurt. Thank you for all your continued prayers for our family. I am feeling them. And we are doing quite well.

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