Sniffles, sneezes, and tears.

Well, that’s our house lately. 🙂 A couple weeks ago John and Elise came down with a cold. Elise’s lasted for a couple weeks. I was hoping I wouldn’t get it, because who wants to be sick and pregnant at the same time? Well, I didn’t, meaning I was able to speak clearly at Mothering Matters in January with my Mom. We spoke on purity in marriage and in rasing our children.

Well, I guess my cold was just delayed, because this weekend, I’ve been pretty much knocked out with a cold–therefore the sniffles and sneezes. Elise keeps asking when my cold will get better. Thankfully, I am on the mend now and only had to take a couple tylenol for headaches (one bad thing about colds during pregnancy, I don’t like to take many drugs to help me feel better). Other than the cold, I am feeling really well lately. Though I don’t have much energy and am finding my body is demanding much more sleep than I had been functioning on. Some nights I am in bed shortly after Elise, and most days, I am napping right along with her. That baby must really be growing. 🙂

As to the tears, well, that is just the way I am lately. I cannot as often trust myself to be able to talk or even think of Emma without tears involved. I find it hard to think too much of this baby, because it is her that is foremost in my emotions right now. I’ve been reliving what were to be her last days. I wonder if I would have done things differently had I known they were her last days (although to be honest I would have been so concentrated on “saving her” that I probably would have wasted them. As it was, Emma spent much of January and February at home with us. She was chubby as can be, and on her good days, a whole lot more active. I think remembering her and our loss makes me fear more for the health of this child. I thankfully don’t waste too much time worrying about it, but somewhere in the back of my mind, I can feel the tinglings of questions and of fear.

As to the practical side of things, we will get some answers on March 23 (which is the date that they have us scheduled to travel to Little Rock and check for defects, especially in the heart). You can pray for us as we wait the 2 more months until that day, and that the news we receive will be good. Even if it is not, I know God will give me what I need to deal with it, and I know you will be praying this for us as well.

I have felt the baby move, just a bit, hardly at all. Hopefully soon it will be more regular. Until I feel movement more often it is just so hard to imagine that there is a tiny baby kicking and waving its arms around. I cannot wait to hold this child in my arms. It brings tears to my eyes just to think of it. I guess I have to say with Elise, that July is “a really long time” to wait. 🙂

Elise has had her share of tears lately as well. Though hers are usually geared at trying to get mom to change her mind in something that she said. Why are girls so emotional even at this age? I am happy that she is able to speak of Emma without tears though; because of this fact I was able to overhear a conversation she had with a store owner I was trying to do business with:

“You know what my name is? It is Elise. I am 3. But, I’m almost 4. When I am 4, my Mommy will have a baby. But, I have a sister. Her name is Emma. I had her a long time ago. She lives in heaven with Jesus. She is growing up there.”

Thankfully the lady she was telling all this too knew just the right responses, and thankfully it required little input from me as I could feel that tears would be quick in coming were I to explain more about her sister Emma.