It is amazing that it has almost been two weeks since Will was born. I am still amazed at how quickly life can change. I am doing wonderfully with emotional issues right now. The anti-depressants seem to be doing their job and I am coping well each day and night. I still feel so far away from accomplishing much in each day, but I know that will just take time. Will so far is an easy-going baby. He is usually quite content even when awake. He already looks bigger to me, and I am excited to see him grow and develop each day. I know that in a year’s time I will be looking back and wondering where all this time went and how he changed so quickly.
I have decided that I am created to be an easy-going, laid back person. No matter how much I worried about being uptight about Will and not wanting to take my eyes off him, etc., I can not manage to do it. I have slipped easily back into my natural mothering groove, which is to not spend time worrying about him much at all. I have also found that I have been thinking very little of Emma lately, as if I am trying to protect myself from sadness that I don’t know if I am strong enough to handle right now. I am sure that too will change in time. I look at Will, and am struck by how little I deserve to be his mother. He is a gift of God, a reminder to me of God’s faithfulness and protection, a joy given to those who weep. Here are two Psalms that I have read over and over again as I walked through the valley of depression this time and have come out of it full of God’s joy:
How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;
my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me.
LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup;
you have made my lot secure.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.
I will praise the LORD, who counsels me;
even at night my heart instructs me.
I have set the LORD always before me.
Because he is at my right hand,
I will not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will rest secure,
because you will not abandon me to the grave,
nor will you let your Holy One see decay.
You have made known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
Here are some other pictures of Will at 8 days old, 10 days old, 11 days old, and 13 days old: