This week I anticipate the anniversary of Emma’s heaven birthday. Though I like to think of it as a birthday rather than a death day, it does still contain much sadness. I’m not overwhelmed with sadness this year, partly because I’ve been too busy to think about it. I am making a conscious effort to slow down to start to think of it, because for some reason it is important to me to mark that day as something special. To remember purposely the life of our amazing daughter, in honor of her and of God who blessed our family with her. Tomorrow is Feb. 21, the day before her heaven birthday. Last year, I had decided that for me the 21st would be my day of grief, so that the 22nd could be treated as a day of joy and celebration. In order to make a physical reminder of that, I decided to fast on the 21st, breaking the fast on the 22nd. Last year I was pregnant and this year I am nursing, so my mode of fasting is giving up my computer for one day. So, you will not see me online tomorrow at all. I will not even turn on my computer. I spend a lot of time during the day on the computer, so this actually is a good way for me to create time to reflect and spend time in communion with God. Last year, I had someone take Elise for part of the day as well, but since tomorrow will be unpredictable with the icy weather, and if it is not icy, with Elise’s dance class, I think I will just keep the kids with me. I intend to include Elise in some of the rememberings, and in the evening John will be gone for a meeting, so I can spend that time in alone time if it is needed.
February 22 is Friday. We don’t have specific plans for that day, and it is busy with other things, so we decided to make time to be together as a family on Sunday. So Sunday we will be coming home from church for a meeting with our realtor, and then will probably head out to do something special.
Thank you to all who have remembered this coming anniversary and taken the time to ask me how I am doing. It means a lot to me when others remember these significant dates and even more when they make an effort to ask me about them. I enjoy taking time to talk about Emma, and needless to say, those opportunities do not arise as often anymore.