Firsts and Lasts

I have been meaning to write a post for quite some time now, but the last two weeks have been quite full and I never seemed to find the right time to sit and write. Plus, there was a part of me that wanted to remain numb to the fact that I was getting ready to leave on the biggest adventure of my life, leaving behind family, friends, and home.

We are here in Germany now. We arrived at lunchtime local time yesterday. We are of course dealing with our bodies being unsure of the time and whether we should be eating, sleeping or playing, but it was a smooth trip overall. I will post more about that later.

Elise has told me several times lately that it doesn’t feel real yet. She was convinced though that once we were on the ground in Germany it would feel real, because there was no way her brain could deny the fact at that point. But of course, she found out that our logic doesn’t always work when we are dealing with such big changes in our lives. She admitted to me as we arrived at our new house in Kandern, that it still didn’t quite feel real. She couldn’t convince herself that she wasn’t still in the US.

I am experiencing some of the same, and to be honest I am not ready for it to feel real. Because every time it has felt real over the last two weeks, I have had a hard time holding it together. There is a small part of me that is terrified of this new adventure, and I have to deal with that whenever I start to process the fact that I am indeed on it.

There was so much excitement over the last two weeks, but also lots of last times to do things, maybe not forever, but for a long time. Some of those last things were hard, like the last day at church. I spent most of the service in a fog, but completely fell apart by the end. But other times weren’t bad at all. I sat and chatted easily with my Mom the day before we left and wasn’t teary eyed at all when I hugged her for the “last time.” Of course I’ll be seeing my mom again in the summer, so that probably made that a lot easier.

Now we are starting on a new part of this process as we are experiencing our “firsts.” I have a feeling that some of them will be easy and comfortable and others are going to be very hard. Pray that I can take each thing one at a time and not let the newness of it all overwhelm me all at once.

2 thoughts on “Firsts and Lasts

  1. When we moved to Fayetteville from Little Rock, I also couldn’t grasp the idea that we were 3 hours from “home.” It felt like we were just in a different part of Little Rock. 🙂 I didn’t realize it would be the same with moving halfway across the world. Good luck to all of you!


  2. Yes, it is a weird feeling Wendy. I try not to think about it too much yet. I guess it is good that this doesn’t feel so different that I feel lost and not at home.


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